He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
