Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
