At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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