What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
