She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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