Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
