I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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