garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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