Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
