i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
