Fuck appropriateness.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
