Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
