I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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