I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
