Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize