I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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