So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I intend to get homeless drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
