the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize