I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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