I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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