Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
