porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
