He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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