just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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