I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
