i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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