I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
