Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
