im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
