Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
