I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Randomize
