He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
