I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
