How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
