you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
