Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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