I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
