This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
