Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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