come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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