Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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