it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
