Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
