If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
