My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
