the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
