Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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