my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
