What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
