ugly people sure do ruin things
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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