OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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