Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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