shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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