I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
