I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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