Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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