You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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