does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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