I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
