So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
